Answers by an Unknown September 8, 2008

In the midst of a crowd, among the noises and the commotion, I try to sit quietly, and plan my next move. What should I do to calm my senses, to regain myself which I have been fast losing being amongst so many people at a time? I just cannot seem to find the answer. 

It is so easy to lose yourself when one is with so many people at a time. Who am I now? Where do I fit into this new scheme of things? How to stretch myself? It is so hard to find what I want. So many people telling you what you should do, what you should not do. How to approach a problem, how to solve it. It is almost like you are fast losing your identity, because the way you do things is what makes you. How can you even try to break yourself and build a new you? Prejudice stops you and so does your vanity.

 So, I sit back and observe the people around me. There are some who are constant sources of information. It is easy to read them. They are the ones who have issues which are trivial and they are continuously trying to cultivate it as an excuse to brood. Do I sound arrogant when I say this? May be yes, but I stop to think, why react to people who have no effect on you? Why react to situations which cannot change the way you get on with your life? Why not focus on issues which you have full control, rather than divert your energies to those which you do not have control upon?

 And then there are some people, who can be phlegmatic and unfazed by people as if they are not visible, as if their words do not reach their ears. People around them are unimportant, their actions meaningless. I admire these people, and I feel intrigued as to how they can make everything related to them, when in reality, for an outsider, he may well seem to be someone who sits in a corner and looks at everything with expressionless eyes. Nothing moves him. You may talk to him; say something about why things are what they seem to be. He listens, with those expressionless eyes, and then turns to whatever he seemed to be doing before, that is nothing. 

I feel flustered. When you articulate your emotions to human language, you expect a reaction, even a wry smile or a monosyllabic reaction. But then I stop, and I realize, what is the need to react to people? Is there a compulsion to always have a reaction? And that too for someone whom you don’t know? People have been forced into the relationships of acquaintances here, we all have been. But we cannot be forced into making reactions, to the people and to the situations around us.

 But it is difficult for me to inculcate that behavior. I find myself thinking a lot, about a situation which I have no control upon. So much so, that I try to force myself into believing that it is under my control. Everything around is under my control, and if it has to be out of my control, then that shortcoming rests with me. This clouds my mind, and I lose myself because such things make me weak. The fact that things are out of my purview make me jittery and I question myself. And the answers are hard to come by.

I wish again that I could look at things without expressions and without emotions. I wish I could learn how not to involve myself with lifeless things, just like the expressionless-eyed fellow. But then, I would become him, someone I don’t know.

The King, the Knights and the People April 24, 2008

It is essential for me to begin by saying that I do not detest Shah Rukh Khan. We have had those coffee table conversations about him and his tendency to over-do things, be it in acting or in publicity and television shows. But my point of the argument (which is also a keen observation) is that when any personality attains a high enough position of unparalleled success, some people appreciate him, and some other sections of people become curious about such success. And such curiousity at the end of the day leads to pure loathing.

In spite of this, the news about Shah Rukh taking over a part of ownership of the Kolkata team in the cash rich cricket league seemed quite strange to me. He was more likely to take Mumbai – a place which is his own arena or the next likely Delhi. Why Kolkata?

Remember, and if you have been a follower of cricket you definitely will, that Kolkata has a huge history of crowd trouble. We are expert at throwing bottles when the game isn’t going to well. We have attained master’s degree in booing our very own team if Saurav Ganguly isn’t playing and the charge is actually led by our Chief Minister who is an ardent fan of Mr Ganguly, so much so that he supported South Africa when Saurav was dropped by the national selectors.

Anyway, past is past. While wondering about it for a while, I have realized that the reason why SRK has chosen Kolkata can be nothing except for the letter “K”. And he added one extra with “Knight” and that makes 1+1=2 Ks which should be enough to win the inaugural IPL. More on that later.

While most purists treat the IPL as “circus” the local media has been driven into frenzy. Sample the following excerpt after Sunday’s Match in Eden.

“The game itself never rose to expectations, but it had its little moments. What a sight it made, Adam Gilchrist in full throated appeal against Ricky Ponting, aghast at being given out leg before. Remember Christiano Ronaldo getting Michael Rooney thrown out of the world cup match on dubious foul claim? And then they went on to play happily for Manchester United“

This is the effect of SRK, his hysterics on the railings of the hospitality boxes, his continued acrobatic skills in full display and his marketing strategies which has made the media lose its mind. In fact the other day again in a local news channel when discussing about establishing loyalties, a certain celebrity remarked, “Its like the EPL. Why should there be a question of choosing? In the city of Manchester, there are two clubs, Manchester United and Manchester City, and a person may very well support both the teams at the same time!”

Thank you for that wonderful lesson of the day on EPL. Moving ahead, the team costume which is such a heated topic in every discussion board – be it in an Indian forum or the BBC- which has been designed by Manish Malhotra. Mr. Malhotra, who watched a live cricket match for the first time last Sunday has got out all the bling that there could be keeping the brand-SRK in mind. Though you and many of us think it is “hideous” and “right out of the yesteryears Indian mythological serials” it is very much fashionable (especially in the smouldering 42 degree heat in Calcutta) and also is in tune with Bengali sentiments, along with the classic adage “The Knights in Shining Armour”. See, black is taken right out of “Maa Kali” and gold signifies “pride”. To establish loyalties Saurav Ganguly has also been picked. I last saw him secretly being filmed by a news-less news channel haggling with a vegetable seller on the prices of cauliflowers. Anyway, his being the captain is a welcome change.

Lastly I would like to mention that SRK’s company Red chillies entertainment has been having a few disagreements with the CAB over proportion of profits of ticket prices which has linked to hints of sabotage on Eden horror pitch and light blackout. In my opinion, the move of inviting Rahul and Priyanka but not our honourable chief minister is a bad move on SRK’s part. He should understand to what extent the chief minister loves watching Saurav. And nothing should be taken away form the fact that a prominent part was played by the Bengal Government in changing the name of the city from Calcutta to Kolkata, a move without which SRK would never have bought this team. Also, when Hrithik Roshan performed in Salt Lake Stadium, he gave front row seats to Jyoti Basu and his entire family. There are more reasons why Buddha has been left sulking.

Looking ahead, Ricky Ponting and Brendan Mccullum are all going away for National duty. Shah Rukh Khan is going away for some International duty in Paris. So, I suppose we’ll have less of the dancing and more of the struggling.

My shortcomings June 28, 2007

How do you treat the deficiencies in you? When someone tries to hold a mirror in front of you and shows you the things that are your shortcomings. Do you treat them as shortcomings?  Do you work with your shortcomings? Or you just try to walk away from them?

Is solitude my shortcoming? The state in which I explore myself, the world and the people around me is my solitude. It gives me pleasure, the ability to see myself from a different angle, my loneliness is what goes with me, and I try and look at things through a different perspective. Thoughts overflow, and I grasp my food for thought which is there on the platter. I read, I write, I watch and I learn. Is it a shortcoming?

Are my emotions my shortcoming? When I react to people who try and judge me and possess preconceived notions about me? Come to think of it, my world would be much simpler without them. But somehow I don’t know why, I force myself into the circus. A good conversation, a pleasant outing is always welcome. But is it so difficult to keep it that way? Why can’t people be moderately polite and subsequently assertive and graciously do things which brings a proper closure? Why do people that surround me make things purposefully difficult? Why is there so much fabrication of truth, especially when the truth is about me?

The only wrong thing I committed, is trying to find out an answer to the Why. There are no answers. There are no solutions. I have been trying to mend things which are beyond my control, walking into world which isn’t my own, talking to people who aren’t my friends and trying to find the light in the dark tunnel, only to be disappointed, again. I shouldn’t do this, I hear telling myself. I can’t find anything that gives me solace.

It is just a feeling that I have which still lingers on, that I can never be what others want me to be. It seems hard but it is the truth. The paths that I want to walk on, do not lead anywhere.

I was me, but she’s gone.

I tried to find me in you.

May be that was where I was wrong.

In search of a good life December 25, 2006

In the beginning, I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. This December has been quite an eventful month, in more ways than one. It seems that the weather in Calcutta has also been influenced by the heated political activities going on in the state; hence the familiar chill in a December is yet to arrive. So, it’s not quite the Christmas time which we are used to here.

The 51^st Annual Convocation of Jadavpur University was held on Sunday, the 24^th of December. Thank God, it was on a Sunday this time (The Annual convocation of J.U is always held on the 24^th , the foundation day of the university), otherwise, the probability of a Bandh on the convocation day could have been pretty high. All those apprehensions about wearing a plain white cotton saree with saffron border and returning home in one piece  with the degree scroll <;-)> was put to rest. Well, that doesn’t mean I did not have my fair share of accidents; especially while boarding the public conveyance. But let’s just say I came out unscathed.

Sunday had been a long day, right from 9 am in the morning till around 5pm when I reached home. A casual glance to catch up on the morning newspaper’s first page headline is what induced me to write this post. The news was about a  guy who had passed out from my school, a graduate of IIT Kharagpur , a holder of an MBA degree from a reputed institute,  and an employee in a multinational company had been strangled to death and left in a dark, desolate place in his car with his wallet, credit cards, valuable belongings, missing.

No, I do not feel emotional about the incident just because the fellow was from my school, or he had lived in my hometown or because he is a Bengali. I never knew this guy, never heard his name. Possibly, may have seen him as a prefect and that too is quite debatable.  But, it just seemed a bit awkward to come across this piece of news on the day I graduated.

From the time we realize our consciousness, we are constantly told by our parents, teachers, acquaintances, neighbours, relatives etc about how important it is to work hard when it comes to academics. How important it is to compete, and to get ahead of others. When you become a little older, they continue to cite examples about that individual who has done such and such thing, has achieved this brilliant result and is now working in that “big multinational company”, and his/her pay package is that big… and this is supposed to be a “good life”. This is supposed to be “achieving something in life”; to earn a reputation among others and sometimes this has such far-reaching effects that a person working in a big multinational company, and staying abroad also gets tagged as a “very good person”.

That is another end of the story. But often I have wondered whether this concept of good life has any continuity. This incident and scores of others which happen quite frequently point to the fact that there is nothing that adds meaning to the effort that one puts in to achieve his/her goal. Take this person for instance. He worked hard in school, he worked in college and he possibly was working quite hard in his job as well. Those hours that he had spent in studying and working helped him stand out in the crowd. And yet, his life had to end abruptly, with the apparent motive being robbery. The story of his life would always be “what could have been” and then slowly and surely his name, reputation and achievements would  end up becoming obscure in people’s minds.

Come to think of it, how meaningless does this seem? We are taught to provide a degree of sincerity when it comes to academics so that we can achieve a distinct reputation in the society. We are taught that there is no alternative to hard work. But does this guarantee the continuity in life? Does this guarantee a natural death?

It doesn’t. Because for someone life may end up retiring as a CEO of a big multinational company, to another it may end in a dark night, in an uninhabited place, sitting in the driver seat of a car. 

West Bengal: The eye of the storm December 4, 2006

A great political upheaval of our times has finally unfolded in West Bengal. The Opposition Parties, who get demolished, thrashed and annihilated during the elections, have finally found a silver lining in their quest to topple this 30 year old Government.

The whole reason for this political agitation began when the West Bengal government decided to hand over the Singur SEZ which will help Ratan Tata build a Tata Motors plant to produce small cars costing as low as a 100,000 rupees. Never before had anyone anywhere in this country anticipated that the Left Government would be going an extra mile to protect a corporate house, but thanks to our chief minister that’s a reality. The local televisions continue to follow this news closely and broadcast all the relevant episodes which are not only dramatic in their nature, but hilarious and absurd; and make you wonder about the example we try to set as we tread the path towards Industrialization.

On Thursday, 30^th November Mamta Bannerjee is stopped by police on her way to Singur and dropped off at Hooghly Bridge. As a reaction to this, her party workers ransack the State Assembly, destroy antique furniture and cause absolute mayhem. The Chief Minister then sarcastically grants the general public a free visit to the State Assembly from Friday to Sunday. And the general suburban public decide to spend their nice weekend by taking a look around at an upside down table made of teak.

The colossal chaos in State Assembly is followed by an obvious 12 hour bandh on Friday. An extra holiday to check out the Assembly while the opposition parties set out to put the city at standstill. The IT sector isn’t spared and various forms of agitations such as burning of effigies of political figures are also tried out.

On Saturday the police clash with the land owners in Singur while fencing is carried on for the land to be allocated to the Tata Motors. Pictures showing the Police beating up the villagers, and launching tear gases at them are shown in local televisions. Mamta Bannerjee, Medha Patkar and others are blocked from going to Singur.

On Sunday, it is the time for all the acronyms to come out from the closet. SUCI, AIDSO, DYFI, SFI and all the others ABCDEFGHI’s come and want to make their presence felt in various universities. While it is Black Day being observed in Jadavpur University, engineering students decide to boycott semester examinations, SUCI decides to call for Bengal Bandh on Tuesday, Trinamool Congress decides to launch Statewide Road Blockages in various parts of the city on Wednesday, Mamta Bannerjee decides to go for an indefinite hunger strike in front of metro cinema from Monday.

On Monday, the Tata Motors showroom is ransacked, window panes are broken by some unidentified men and a commotion is created.

While Mamta Bannerjee mingles freely with BJP, Congress finds that hard to digest. Individual agitations are the need of the hour, as political parties are seen creating rallies in various important parts of the city. And as each day passes, new plans of agitations are announced.

Such is the political condition here, that one cannot choose either of the two parties. The Jury is divided. While one party is trying to support a corporation by whisking off various dignitaries from the road that leads to Singur thereby proving to be fascists, the other, is trying to stop Industrialization hitting the state which has long harbored a sorry state of affairs regarding industry and work culture. Even as the magnitude of agitation increases, the message to the corporate sector is clear.
West Bengal is still not ready

If the opposition is trying to make a political issue out of it, a reason to finally get back at those who are at the helm of affairs, then the loser is Bengal after all. The political situation is absurd, as the communist party goes out of their line to support capitalists and even as the Left Parties cry foul over Bharti-Walmart tie up, the Chief Minister chooses to keep a stiff upper lip.

Seems like the communist party has lost their political agenda somewhere.

Liverpool lose against Manchester United, again… October 23, 2006

As usual, Liverpool’s league form hasn’t been going quite so well, this season. Though, I haven’t been following the season fairly closely, but their mid-table position would indicate that their title aspirations are taking a beating.

Its been a problem over the years with Liverpool. They don’t seem  motivated enough when it comes to the league. They just seem absolutely uninspired, be it against any team.

Quite possibly, the very reason of me being a Liverpool fan, is that Liverpool always seem to put in their best effort, even if that effort might go in vain. Yesterday, that was missing. They needed to win badly, they knew losing the match would destroy their title chances this season, and so there was a motivating factor. But regardless of such consequences, Liverpool were hardly playing as a team yesterday.  They had chances and all they did was squander them. Its not like Manchester United did not play well. They did. Its a question of Liverpool not playing at the level they ought to.

Really, is this the question of the umpteen team changes that Mr Benitez seems to be indulging in? Or the team formation, which I think is going horribly wrong. The football experts might know them better, and I am hardly familiar with the technicalities of the game. But for once, Gerrard seems to unhappy. He has yet to score, which is an absolute surprise, given his prolific form last season.

 There lies another core problem. Liverpool tend to depend on a single player to such extent, that without him they just can’t score goals. It happened when Michael Owen used to play, and now the situation is quite similar with Gerrard. Yes, the media tends to blow it out of proportion, but to some extent this is true. It is a problem, and they need to sort it out.

 Just read somewhere that Liverpool haven’t scored an away goal since August, and they have yet to score an away goal from open play this season. Those are worrying signs, and Liverpool do need to get their act together.