I am sorry; I don’t seem to have a title to this piece. First, my brain is just so messed up with the whirlwind of exams gone by, that I have temporary lost some of my creative skills. Secondly, all the unique things mentioned below cannot be summarized with a single phrase since I suspect they are just random things which utterly jobless people do to remain utterly jobless.

• 1. It began in the last day of the examination. While writing, I seemed to think that today would be an end. An end, to the wonderful term I had, sitting and attending classes and to marvel at the eccentricities of human kind. I felt sad and disturbed. It was momentarily removed by the professor (mentioned here) who seemed to stand in the corridor with a cellphone in his hand, and using it like a walky talky and trying to pass on the message and then dolefully looking at the device because while using it in the walky-talky mode it didn’t seem to give him a worthwhile feedback. I smiled. Life was good.

                  Then it came back. The realization, that these distinguished gentlemen would become a thing of the past in the coming few weeks and we all would have to adjust to some new professors. Who knows, whether they would live up to the earlier professors who have instilled in us the belief, Eccentricity is infinite. Then while thinking this, a voice seemed to float about. Another professor (mentioned here) earnestly talking on the phone,”…listen I would be coming tomorrow. And I would be bringing with me, two senior citizens, two adults and two children.” And I sighed. This could mean that our professor was planning a holiday or a get-together. On the flip side, it could also mean that when he is not teaching, he likes to be Hannibal Lecter.

2.  The next day, we decided that to relieve ourselves from this ultimate depression we had to watch a good hindi film, because most good hindi films don’t require usage of brains. Chak De India, seemed to be a good bet. Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is, that Yash Raj Films seem to have some problem going on with the multiplexes, so the film is not running in the city’s multiplexes (except for Fame which is quite far away from my house). It has been eons since I went to a single screen theatre until last Tuesday. And it was fun.

 Single screen theatres are fun because of the people in it. There are enough things going on around you to get your mind away from bad seats or the lousy air conditioner. Like for example, the couple sitting beside me; the man seems to have watched the film before and thus recounts every scene to his female friend, dialogue by dialogue. Or the people who are so blinded by the camera work, that they keep on cheering every goal and every save as if it is a real game. Or like the man sitting beside me predicts the outcome of the penalty shootout before it happens and the women beside him groans and says,”Stop! Don’t say anything, can’t you see they aren’t scoring any goals?”

Single screen theatres are also fun because after the end of the film you can find out that a man has been sleeping throughout the entire film and is still sleeping even after the show has ended. He is still sleeping when people notice this and come towards him to snap pictures from their camera phones (to be used as souvenirs). He still takes a while to wake up, when the theatre staff comes up to him and nudges him so that he can leave the theatre.

• 3. Outside the theatre, there were around 20 people sitting on a fence. Actually, there were 10 people sitting on the right, and 10 people sitting on the left and in between them there was this huge white board with capital letters which read “SITTING ON A FENCE IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED”

We also noticed that there is not a dustbin in sight for about 2kms and that too in such a centrally located area in the city. So, we walked back for about 2 kms again to the theatre and thankfully found a dustbin.  Readers should note that “2 kms” may or may not be accurate, it may be more.

            My statistics knowledge tells me, that for every 4 good citizens, there are atleast 100 bad citizens. (This number is again not accurate, it may be more). So there are 100 bad citizens who don’t think twice to throw stuff in the roads, and about 400 citizens who would give up after not finding a dustbin within a proximity of 10 metres and throw it anyway. Now, the logic is, if the government cannot help to keep the city clean and put up dustbins, can it actually help in trying to reprogram the city’s bus drivers? They seem to think that people crossing the roads are for squashing, especially if an adequate number of mosquitoes couldn’t be squashed last night for unforeseen circumstances.

• 4. Never judge a book by its cover. You may have heard this proverb. But it is time to change it. The new motto should be, Never judge a book by its title.

         A quick visit to the library next day, helped me realized this, when I chanced upon the name of a book. It read A Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers by Xiaolu Gulu. When I recounted the name of a book to a friend, she found the name Xiaolu Gulu very funny. May be she was expecting a Chinese born author’s name to be slightly different than this.

Readers are requested to give their opinions regarding whether they find anything remotely amusing regarding the title or the author and explain why. They are also requested to state if they don’t find this funny at all.

Now, I am a simple girl. First thing that came to my mind, is that this book was specifically for those who have a Chinese boyfriend or a Chinese girlfriend and want to impress him/her. In fact, some interpretations from friends suggest that “lovers” may not signify love interest, but love for the language in general, although I abide by my former interpretation. Interesting, you might say, and an absolute indicator of cross-cultural bonding.

Anyway, the thing is that I could end my post here and you could google the name to find out more (since you have a Chinese boyfriend or a girlfriend), or you may not, taking what I said was true. But since you have stuck with this post for so long, the least I can do is spill the beans for you.

People who have Chinese love interests would not find the book suitable, since it is not a dictionary (it is not “d” of the word dictionary). It is a work of fiction. A Chinese girl leaving her country and going to London, falling in love with an Englishman, and having her own dilemmas about her attitudes as well as others. And the book is written in bad English, deliberately.

I have never been so dumbfounded in my life, reading the first page of a book and now I have been dumbfounded, thanks to marketing.

So, moral of the story, Never judge a book by its title. And Never underestimate Marketing in any sphere of this world, even literary compositions.